The Role Of Jealousy And Your Relationship

The Role Of Jealousy And Your Relationship Do you find yourself constantly checking your boyfriends/girlfriends cellphone, hacking their email, looking through their purse, briefcase , looking for solid evidence to prove their dishonesty? When your partner dresses nicely for an occasion, does your compliment accompany sarcastic remarks? Do you think your partner is a flirt or exceptionally friendly with his workmates? Do you call your partner when youre feeling anxious, just to make sure, he is not with someone else? If the abovementioned scenarios are familiar to you, then chances are you are slowly turning into a green eyed-monster. And if you are not careful this monster will wreak havoc in your relationship. Jealousy is an emotion that refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of valuable, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. It often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy. The color green is often associated with jealousy and envy, from which the expressions green with envy, and green-eyed monster. The green eyed monster comes to life when distrust eats into the relationship. This is further aggravated with acts of infidelity. The reality of a third party in a relationship can be most traumatic. For the faint hearted this is enough reason to end ones life. Some partners may be willing to forgive incidents of infidelity, but the devastating experience can never be forgotten. And although there is some level of peace in the relationship instances of nagging doubts can still cause tension, sometimes this triggers the final separation. The irony of it all, is that people who are guilty of cheating, turn out to be the more suspicious. Because they are aware of what could take place, as they are guilty of the crime, they are likely to suspect their partner to do the same. Believe or not even a person who engages in acts of infidelity may feel intense feelings of jealousy. Of course there are some who are naturally distrustful, probably because of some traumatic experience. For instance most kids who were old enough to witness the break-up of their parents, have a hard time trusting others. They believe relationships do not last forever and that the day will come when they too, will left by the person they love. However psychologists are firm that that the root cause of jealousy is internal, and not external factors like third party. People do not get jealous because they saw their partner having fun with someone else. Psychologists believe that a big part of the problem lies within, and external conditions. The pretty girl, or the friendly workmate have nothing to do with it. The possible causes of Jealousy are as follows: Lack of self confidence: People develop feelings of jealousy because they have no faith in their own abilities and skills. They do not believe that they are capable of having happy relationships. They probably think that their current partner is the best that they will ever have, and thus they should make it last forever, because they might not find anyone like it. If youre one hundred percent sure of yourself, youll never have feelings of jealousy because you know that you are deserve to be happy and that you will always attain the life you deserve. If you have faith in yourself you know that you will always have happy relationships, and just in case the current one will not work out, you can always look forward to a better one. Poor self image: Having a poor self image is another cause of jealousy; if you think you are not beautiful then chances are youll be experiencing insecure whenever you are in the presence of someone good looking. You will compare yourself to that person and you will feel bad because you do not have the same eyes, or shes taller or slimmer. A person with a very positive self image, values ones uniqueness. He or she knows that beauty is beyond skin deep. Fear : One of the root causes of feelings of jealousy is fear. Most people are so afraid to lose their partner because they do not want to be alone. They think being alone is synonymous to loneliness. Believe it or not, some people are happily living fulfilling lives on their own, without any partner. When you are alone it is easy to take control of your life, because no one will influence your decision-making process. Some people anchor happiness to being in a relationship. Happiness is a choices. Whether you are in relationship or not, you can still have a happy life. Insecurity: Feelings of insecurity is a result of poor self image, a lack of self confidence topped with the fear of losing your partner to someone else. This can be a very stressful phase in the relationship. Insecurity can lead to nonstop arguments and petty quarrels. If the problem is not addressed immediately then it can lead to something as drastic as separation. Levels of Intensity in professional jealousy There can be intense jealousy if you happen to dislike the party in question. This is very evident in cases of professional jealousy. If you happen to abhor the person who received the promotion, then you could be fuming mad. The opposite can also take place. Of course if the person who received the honor, happens to be a very good friend, then you too will be just as happy. While low self esteem and poor self image can also lead to professional jealousy, another factor to consider is emotional maturity the ability to assess a relationship or situation and to act according to what is best for oneself and for the other person in the relationship. Being emotionally-mature means being just as happy for other peoples success as if it were our own. And so we shouldnt feel bad when someone else wins the contest, or if someone gets a higher grade in class. Negative thoughts bring negative situations and so brewing ill-feelings in our hearts moves us further away from blessings. Invasion of privacy A jealous person will not stop until he or she can come up with a tangible proof of the suspected affair. The alleged aggrieved party would start snooping around going through personal effects, in order to look for clues. Invading ones private space, like hacking ones email password causes dissatisfaction and can ruin a relationship. Such an action is a clear indication of mistrust. How can there be a good relationship if two people no longer trust each other. Of course if there is a strong evidence of cheating invasion of private space may seem logical. However one must be prepared for the ugly truth. Friend or foe Jealousy brings nothing but feelings of negativity. You will end up feeling bad, you will ruin your relationships, and fill your heart with hatred. It leads to blaming others which can result to further misunderstandings. Getting rid of the green-eyed monster: Yes, there is a good side. Like anything else, jealousy can be channeled towards the good. Lets take professional jealousy as an example. If you are aspiring for a promotion at work, and all of a sudden, your boss awards that position to someone else, instead of feeling bad you can look at the bright side and be happy for that persons good fortune. Instead of declaring that the promotion should have been yours, be grateful to the universe for sending you a sign. The fact that a manifestation of that wish has taken place, even if the recipient was not you, is an indication that the universe has acknowledged it. And guess what you are next in line. The other persons good fortune could just be a sign, that your with is in the air, and it will soon be made available to you at the perfect time. Get rid of all ill feelings. Relax, spread love and be happy, for your wish will soon be granted. As for the jealousy that takes place between two people in a relationship, this simply indicates that there are matters that need to be settled. People in love, trust and respect each other. Jealousy is a sign of diminishing trust. Why is your girlfriend so adamant about reading your text messages? Have you been paying her enough attention or have you been spending too much time with the boys? Why is she suddenly having doubts? At this point no one is at fault until proven guilty, however such matters need to be settled, immediately before its too late. Remember that in the law of attraction, thoughts become things. A person in doubt who constantly floods her mind with thoughts of her cheating husband, will eventually bring it to life. Instead of dwelling on the negative, think of the good times, those fun moments with the family, such thoughts will undoubtedly fuel feelings of happiness in your heart. So get rid of that green-eyed monster. It will bring nothing but anger and sadness. Thank God for your wonderful partner every day and stay happy. www.nomorejealousy.com/

Politeness and Pragmatics in the Context of Cross-Cultural Communication

Throughout almost all societies, politeness plays an integral role in the effectiveness of social life and interaction within the context of both inter-cultural and cross-cultural communication. Within different cultures the definition of politeness may vary substantially and as a result may be appropriated in ways that are largely misunderstood within the context of other cultures.It is for this reason that scholars such as Brown and Levinson have derived theories on politeness and its use within global society, however the seemingly non-existent universal definition of politeness can also be responsible for the criticisms that these theories receive. When discussing the notion of politeness, the study of cross-cultural pragmatics as represented by Thomas, Tannen and Wierzbicka provide a deeper understanding of the appropriation of politeness and the difficulties that emerge as a result of cross-cultural misunderstanding.One of the major theories surrounding politeness is that of Br own and Levinson (1978, later revised in 1987). Brown and Levinson’s theory argues that politeness consists of three basic elements of human interaction: the maintenance of personal face, the acts which may threaten the face of either a speaker or hearer and the politeness strategies used within the context of conversation to maintain face. The concept of ‘face’, according to Brown and Levinson, outlines the human desire of avoiding embarrassment or humiliation whilst maintaining a positive representation of themselves.In accordance with the politeness phenomena theory, face exists in both a positive sense and a negative sense. Positive face is defined simply as ‘self-image’ while negative face refers to the freedom from imposition. The face-threatening act, according to Brown and Levinson, exists in four main categories. Firstly, the act which threatens the hearer’s negative face can include orders, advice, etc. and can ultimately undermine t he hearer’s freedom of action whilst criticism and disagreement can lead to a threat on the hearer’s self-image.Alternatively, acceptance of either apologies or thanks can impact on the speaker’s negative face although issuing an apology or offering a confession can upset the self-image of the speaker. Brown and Levinson theorise that â€Å"the assessment of the seriousness of a face-threatening act involves the following factors in many and perhaps all cultures† (1987, 74). These factors include Social Distance i. e. he acquaintanceship between speaker and hearer, the Relative Power of the speaker in relation to the hearer such as the degree of imposition the speaker holds over the hearer and the Absolute Ranking of the imposition within the context of the culture in which the imposition occurs. The third basic notion of Brown and Levinson’s politeness phenomena theory is that of Politeness Strategies, or simply the formulation of messages in orde r to save the face of the hearer in the wake of an impending face-threatening act.Brown and Levinson outline politeness strategies as being either ‘On-Record’ or ‘Off- Record’. Off-Record strategies avoid the use of direct impositions to maintain a hearer’s face whereas On-Record strategies can be further separated into four categories. Carrying out an act ‘Baldly, without redress’, refers to the act between a speaker and hearer who share a great deal of familiarity and thus make no attempt to avoid the most direct form of imposition. Redressive action’ is the act of the speaker imposing on the hearer while trying to adjust their behaviour to maintain either the positive face or negative face of the hearer. Redressive actions aimed at preserving the positive face of the hearer are known as ‘Positive politeness’ and are employed to enhance the hearer’s self-image.These include the exaggeration of interest in the hearer and his or her interests, sympathising with the hearer and the avoidance of disagreements. Negative politeness’ is a Redressive action aimed at the preservation of the Hearer’s negative face. Negative politeness is achieved through indirectness, deference and apologising for imposition. The politeness theory phenomena has drawn much criticism in subsequent years due to its universality. For example, Goffman advocates that â€Å"each person, subculture and society seems to have its own characteristic repertoire of face-saving practices, yet these are all drawn from a single logically coherent framework of possible practices† (1967, p. 13).Put succinctly, this argument suggests that face does not necessarily belong just to the individual, but rather to sub-culture and society as well, and as a result one concise theory, no matter how logical, cannot possibly serve to represent all cultures in global existence. Tannen, in her discussion of The Pragmatics of Cross-Cultural Communication, outlines several instances in which politeness may become lost in instances of cross-cultural interaction. She outlines eight levels of conversation: when to talk, what to say, pacing and pausing, listenership, intonation, formulaicity, indirectness and cohesion and coherence.In each of these instances misunderstandings may occur and as a result the concept of politeness may be lost. One example provided outlines the difference between American and Japanese businessmen: â€Å"Americans as a group tend to ignore or even rail against indirectness [†¦] but it gets American businessmen in trouble when they try to skip the small talk and get right down to business with Japanese [†¦] counterparts, for whom elaborate ‘small talk’ is big and essential, furnishing the foundation for any business dealings. (1984, p. 193). Thomas simply defines cross-cultural pragmatic failure as the hearer’s inability to ascertain meaning from the speaker. She outlines two distinct types of pragmatic failure: pragmalinguistic failure and sociopragmatic failure. Pragmalinguistic failure occurs when an utterance from a speaker is misused and thus misinterpreted by a native speaker. Sociopragmatic failure is used to â€Å"refer to the social conditions placed on language in use† (Thomas, 1983).These factors are large contributors to the notion of politeness being lost in the context of cross-cultural communication i. e. the dismissal of a compliment by a hearer of non-Western origin (a norm in many non-Western cultures) may be viewed as rude by the issuer of a compliment of Western origin. While Brown and Levinson’s study on the politeness phenomena allows us a greater insight into the workings of politeness in social context, it is fairly evident that its universality is not entirely representative of the practices of all cultural groups.While it can be said that face and face-threatening acts and the resulting po liteness strategies are the basis for much of the appropriation of politeness in human interaction, we must look deeper when discussing politeness on a cross-cultural level. This is evident through a deeper study of the use of politeness in a cross-cultural context and the failures that result in cross-cultural pragmatism.

Deception Point Page 58

â€Å"I have an emergency!† The operator was breathless. â€Å"†¦ phone call for the President.† Tench looked incredulous. â€Å"Not now, you don't!† â€Å"It's from Rachel Sexton. She says it's urgent.† The scowl that darkened Tench's face appeared to be more one of puzzlement than anger. Tench eyed the cordless phone. â€Å"That's a house line. That's not secure.† â€Å"No, ma'am. But the incoming call is open anyway. She's on a radiophone. She needs to speak to the President right away.† â€Å"Live in ninety seconds!† Tench's cold eyes stared, and she held out a spider-like hand. â€Å"Give me the phone.† The operator's heart was pounding now. â€Å"Ms. Sexton wants to speak to President Herney directly. She told me to postpone the press conference until she'd talked to him. I assured-â€Å" Tench stepped toward the operator now, her voice a seething whisper. â€Å"Let me tell you how this works. You do not take orders from the daughter of the President's opponent, you take them from me. I can assure you, this is as close as you are getting to the President until I find out what the hell is going on.† The operator looked toward the President, who was now surrounded by microphone technicians, stylists, and several staff members talking him through final revisions of his speech. â€Å"Sixty seconds!† the television supervisor yelled. Onboard the Charlotte, Rachel Sexton was pacing wildly in the tight space when she finally heard a click on the telephone line. A raspy voice came on. â€Å"Hello?† â€Å"President Herney?† Rachel blurted. â€Å"Marjorie Tench,† the voice corrected. â€Å"I am the President's senior adviser. Whoever this is, I must warn you that prank calls against the White House are in violation of-â€Å" For Christ's sake! â€Å"This is not a prank! This is Rachel Sexton. I'm your NRO liaison and-â€Å" â€Å"I am aware of who Rachel Sexton is, ma'am. And I am doubtful that you are she. You've called the White House on an unsecured line telling me to interrupt a major presidential broadcast. That is hardly proper MO for someone with-â€Å" â€Å"Listen,† Rachel fumed, â€Å"I briefed your whole staff a couple of hours ago on a meteorite. You sat in the front row. You watched my briefing on a television sitting on the President's desk! Any questions?† Tench fell silent a moment. â€Å"Ms. Sexton, what is the meaning of this?† â€Å"The meaning is that you have to stop the President! His meteorite data is all wrong! We've just learned the meteorite was inserted from beneath the ice shelf. I don't know by whom, and I don't know why! But things are not what they seem up here! The President is about to endorse some seriously errant data, and I strongly advise-â€Å" â€Å"Wait one goddamned minute!† Tench lowered her voice. â€Å"Do you realize what you are saying?† â€Å"Yes! I suspect the NASA administrator has orchestrated some kind of large-scale fraud, and President Herney is about to get caught in the middle. You've at least got to postpone ten minutes so I can explain to him what's been going on up here. Someone tried to kill me, for God's sake!† Tench's voice turned to ice. â€Å"Ms. Sexton, let me give you a word of warning. If you are having second thoughts about your role in helping the White House in this campaign, you should have thought of that long before you personally endorsed that meteorite data for the President.† â€Å"What!† Is she even listening? â€Å"I'm revolted by your display. Using an unsecured line is a cheap stunt. Implying the meteorite data has been faked? What kind of intelligence official uses a radiophone to call the White House and talk about classified information? Obviously you are hoping someone intercepts this message.† â€Å"Norah Mangor was killed over this! Dr. Ming is also dead. You've got to warn-â€Å" â€Å"Stop right there! I don't know what you're playing at, but I will remind you-and anyone else who happens to be intercepting this phone call-that the White House possesses videotaped depositions from NASA's top scientists, several renowned civilian scientists, and yourself, Ms. Sexton, all endorsing the meteorite data as accurate. Why you are suddenly changing your story, I can only imagine. Whatever the reason, consider yourself relieved of your White House post as of this instant, and if you try to taint this discovery with any more absurd allegations of foul play, I assure you the White House and NASA will sue you for defamation so fast you won't have a chance to pack a suitcase before you go to jail.† Rachel opened her mouth to speak, but no words came. â€Å"Zach Herney has been generous to you,† Tench snapped, â€Å"and frankly this smacks of a cheap Sexton publicity stunt. Drop it right now, or we'll press charges. I swear it.† The line went dead. Rachel's mouth was still hanging open when the captain knocked on the door. â€Å"Ms. Sexton?† the captain said, peering in. â€Å"We're picking up a faint signal from Canadian National Radio. President Zach Herney has just begun his press conference.† 68 Standing at the podium in the White House Briefing Room, Zach Herney felt the heat of the media lights and knew the world was watching. The targeted blitz performed by the White House Press Office had created a contagion of media buzz. Those who did not hear about the address via television, radio, or on-line news invariably heard about it from neighbors, coworkers, and family. By 8:00 P.M., anyone not living in a cave was speculating about the topic of the President's address. In bars and living rooms over the globe, millions leaned toward their televisions in apprehensive wonder. It was during moments like these-facing the world-that Zach Herney truly felt the weight of his office. Anyone who said power was not addictive had never really experienced it. As he began his address, however, Herney sensed something was amiss. He was not a man prone to stage fright, and so the tingle of apprehension now tightening in his core startled him. It's the magnitude of the audience, he told himself. And yet he knew something else. Instinct. Something he had seen. It had been such a little thing, and yet†¦ He told himself to forget it. It was nothing. And yet it stuck. Tench. Moments ago, as Herney was preparing to take the stage, he had seen Marjorie Tench in the yellow hallway, talking on a cordless phone. This was strange in itself, but it was made more so by the White House operator standing beside her, her face white with apprehension. Herney could not hear Tench's phone conversation, but he could see it was contentious. Tench was arguing with a vehemence and anger the President had seldom seen-even from Tench. He paused a moment and caught her eye, inquisitive. Tench gave him the thumbs-up. Herney had never seen Tench give anyone the thumbs-up. It was the last image in Herney's mind as he was cued onto the stage. On the blue rug in the press area inside the NASA habisphere on Ellesmere Island, Administrator Lawrence Ekstrom was seated at the center of the long symposium table, flanked by top NASA officials and scientists. On a large monitor facing them the President's opening statement was being piped in live. The remainder of the NASA crew was huddled around other monitors, teeming with excitement as their commander-in-chief launched into his press conference. â€Å"Good evening,† Herney was saying, sounding uncharacteristically stiff. â€Å"To my fellow countrymen, and to our friends around the world†¦ â€Å" Ekstrom gazed at the huge charred mass of rock displayed prominently in front of him. His eyes moved to a standby monitor, where he watched himself, flanked by his most austere personnel, against a backdrop of a huge American flag and NASA logo. The dramatic lighting made the setting look like some kind of neomodern painting-the twelve apostles at the last supper. Zach Herney had turned this whole thing into a political sideshow. Herney had no choice. Ekstrom still felt like a televangelist, packaging God for the masses.

What Makes a True Hero Across the World Essay example

A â€Å"True† Hero Is a hero universal, or are they subject to individual judgment? As a generalization, heroes are subject to the whims of a society. Consequently, a hero is bent and altered in relation to the mentalities of a culture. In extreme cases, a man who kills a murderer may be a hero in one culture, while in the geographical area only a few miles away; he could be viewed as a person equally as evil. Therefore, heroes will vary from culture to culture and can best be defined by their cultural origins, or an additional method of hero determination referred to as the hero’s Journey—a 12-part journey that a majority of hero stories use. Japan is a culture that is vastly different from cultures described as western. (Europe The†¦show more content†¦Additionally, Snake undergoes a gauntlet of challenges that appear at key points, each representing him overcoming a specific flaw. This all culminates in the final battle that ends with Snake overcoming his former mentor, and earning the right to use his name. The concept of maturity gained by surpassing, and replacing his mentor after her death, is a distinctly Japanese facet. An equally noteworthy proof of Snakes â€Å"heroism† is the hero’s journey. The first step of this journey is the â€Å"Ordinary World.† Snake’s â€Å"ordinary world† is his career in the U.S. military, wherein he is referred to as Jack. Next, is the call to adventure, in this step a Hero receives an invitation of sorts to go on his journey. Jack receives his call to adventure when he is sent in to rescue a Soviet scientist who wants to defect to America. It is at the end of his mission that his mentor defects. After the call to adventure is the refusal of the call, where, the hero rejects the adventure. Snake refuses the call by his own disbelief of his at mentor’s defection. The fourth phase is when the hero meets a mentor of sorts that convinces him to embark on his journey. Jack, having already met his mentor, experiences this by accepting his mentor’s betrayal. Fifth is where the hero leaves his ordinary world for his adventure. Jack accomplishes this by embarking on a mission to eliminate his former mission, and in a way restore honor to his country. The step thatShow MoreRelatedThe Lost Continent as an Epic1143 Words   |  5 PagesLost Continent as an Epic What makes a story an epic? In the book, The Lost Continent written by Bill Bryson, Bill travels across the continent of North America starting in his hometown of Des Moines, Iowa. Bill Bryson explores each region of the North American continent from north to south and east to west. While traveling Bill Bryson is in search of a perfect small town. 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